Hello 2014

What was 2013? Where was I? Who was I?

I have been thinking.... thinking about alot of things. On December 28, 2013 I found myself sobbing in the bathtub. Everything just felt like too much.

People that I love are hurting. They have lost those they love so dearly and I have lost, too. Their, our lives are changed forever. Things will never be the same. How do you even begin to help someone through that pain? My best friend told me that she just can't imagine ever being happy again. My friends are raising their children without Fathers. I feel completely helpless.

But, I am not helpless. How have I been living? Selfishly, inside me. I have not been a good Friend. I have not been a good Wife. I have not been a good Mother. But, I feel like I am drowning half the time, can't catch up and hardly know where to begin.


Taking a quote from my daughter - "We need to make some changes around here"! Heather, thanks for reminding me of her wise words :)

Stella is right, we do need to make some changes around here. I need to pay better attention to things, send a note to a friend that is hurting, send a note to a friend to tell them I love them, remember birthdays.... no more excuses. Am I so busy in my life that I can't pay attention to these things? I think not.

And what kind of example am I setting for my daughter? Am I teaching her kindness, compassion, respect and responsibility? I thought I was trying to, but how can she implement those things into her life if her parents are not modeling that behavior? We have one child and one opportunity to raise her to be the young person we wish her to be, so we have to step it up.

One change that you might be surprised by is that Stella returned to Holy Trinity Montessori today. This is the school that she has attended since she was 2, until last Spring when we moved into a home zoned for a great public school, which she attended this Fall. Stella adjusted beautifully, she was happy and we were amazed at her seamless transition. But as the weeks and months went along, I just started to see some things that didn't sit well with me. I kept it to myself for a while, as it just seemed too big to even consider. Kate, the Director/Founder of HTM is amazing. She and I spoke several times throughout the semester, she supported us in dealing with the lingering issues that just could not be denied. She is an amazing friend to our family, loves Stella and wants her to succeed no matter where she is.

It has been hard for me to get past that I feel like we have made every decision possible to screw this up. Pulling her out of a school that we loved, left a great community and friends, moved into the city (which we do love, admittedly) and now here we are right back where we started. Jokes on us, huh?

When we started to have real conversations about Stella's education, the impending decision just seemed impossible to make. We spoke to my parents and my Mom just encouraged us to make one good decision and you just can't worry about the rest. We knew in our hearts that we wanted her back at HTM, so here we are. Is all of the other stuff still a mess? Yes, it is, but one day and decision at a time.

So, here's Stella in her new/old classroom. She has dealt with yet another transition, with excitement and a tremendous amount of maturity. I am so proud of her and can't wait to see her soar.

For Chip and I, we still have plenty to do and places to go. I started my own business this year, which has awarded me more time with my family, the opportunity to work with those that inspire me and I now have the freedom to grow within my work and community. Good stuff.

Chip is absorbed in living the healthiest life possible. To know Chip, is to love his commitment to learning and his ability to immerse himself into his findings. And after all of the loss that has surrounded us, he will do everything that he can to walk the good life - exercise, running, diet, rest...


Lastly, if you did not receive a holiday card from us, that's because we didn't send one and no going back on that now. But, I feel like I just wrote one, so Merry Christmas and Happy New Year! Bring on the happy!

Cousin Lovin'

The Little Miss is a Kindergartner!

So, Miss S started Kindergarten this week. Wow. Now I am really not one to get all weepy, but it is hard to believe that my baby is in Elementary School. There has been so much planning and anticipation wrapped up in this moment - it is a very exciting time. 

As you know, we recently moved, and the move was driven by the opportunity for Stella to attend this amazing public school. She woke from nap one afternoon to find this Tiger balloon (school maskot is a Tiger) attached to the mailbox with a handwritten note from a 2nd grader, welcoming her to Percy Priest Elementary. She was so excited! What a very thoughtful gesture from the school's amazing PTO.

First Day of School. I don't know if she is ready for this. Ha!

Happy Father's Day to Me, Episode 5

My family treated me to a fantastic 4th Father's Day by letting me sleep a little later than usual and then surprising me with a trip to Foggy Bottom Canoe for a super-fun morning on the Harpeth River. We picnicked on a river bank, built a stone tower in the water, looked for fish and butterflies, got stuck on a boulder, and floated on our backs with the lazy current. I couldn't have asked for a better day.

And as an added bonus, here's Stella's artistic interpretation of me.
Lots of stubble, crown and chin. :)

Our New Home

Stella Sketching in the Sun

Green Eggs and Ham!

Recital

It's official.

I have survived my Stella has completed her first dance recital! She (and her friends from her school - Aubrey and Jane) did a great job, and were even rewarded with flowers and a trip to Las Palmas.

I was so proud of her I ordered a second margarita.

Goodbye Mr. Max

I had to say good-bye today to my buddy Max. I rescued Max and his sister Cleo when they were 6 weeks old, 12 years ago. He was the shyest little guy, quiet, timid, unlike Cleo who has always let her presence be known.

Max, Cleo and I have been through alot together; they moved to Nashville from California with me almost 10 years ago. Chip, Stella and I, with all of our animal friends (Max, Cleo, Jack, Maggie), just moved to a new house a few weeks ago.

Max fell ill just a few days ago and with the support and guidance of the Veterinarian, I last saw him today. This photo is from our visit together, just me and him. I gave him the pets he likes best, at the tip of his head and ears. He was quite docile in our visit, not unlike his disposition, generally.

It is strange to be home to Cleo tonight, not knowing what is going on in her little mind. These guys were in the womb together and have been at each others side every single day. We love her a little bit extra tonight in his absence.

Good-bye, buddy.
M


Side note: Yes, we're ok. I know its been some time since we posted. We were preparing our house to sell, sold a house, looked for a new house, found a house, have since moved and our world has been turned upside down. We have SO MANY things to post about, so at some point, prepare yourself for a ridiculous run of events. xoxoxo

Lincoln

While putting Stella to bed last Thursday night she told me she was excited that Abraham Lincoln was visiting her class the following day.

I said, "What?"

She said, "Yeah, and did you know that Abraham Lincoln had a mom, but she died, and then he had a stepmom. But it's not the real Abraham Lincoln. He died. He got shoot."

I might've picked a different set of highlights from his career, but not too shabby.

Then we get this image from one of her teachers...

Holy cow! It's Abraham Lincoln! And he's 18 feet tall! (And there's our goofball left front barely holding it together.)

Anyway, here's her pretty awesome artistic interpretation of the emancipator:

On a somewhat-related note: Stella has been using Mommy's computer recently to do some math and spelling lessons, and the website she loves reward kids with a "pet" hamster that she can feed, water, build tube mazes for, etc. She grilled Markana endlessly to give her some pet names, and after turning them all down I proposed...

Abrahamster Lincoln!

Genius, right?

She shrugged it off and chose "Trixie".

A little theater

Monday night turned into impromptu theater night at the Jordan house, as we enjoyed the rival of 2010's puppet theater. A few $4.99 IKEA puppets + the soundtrack from "Tangled" = an extremely enjoyable lamb/horse duet.

Please note the audience singing along with the face-to-face song climax. (pic #2) Believe it or not, it was more moving than the pictures illustrate.

Jordanbread Men

From January, 2013

Stella's school is awesome, and one of the things they work on is '"pin punching," a technique of using an oversized pushpin to cut shapes out of paper. It improves fine motor skills, and the kids use it to cut out shapes of animals, the seven continents, and, as seen above, gingerbread representations of their parents.

Markana, seen in orange here, is evidently overjoyed to look somewhat like a Bengal tiger. I'm the big-nosed guy on the right with dress shirt buttons, glasses, a five o' clock shadow and shaved head.

Letter to Santa

Brilliant!

1) Open with gratitude.
2) Make requests/demands.
3) Close with compliment.

Santa is now left with the impression of a sincere young lady who deserves nothing but everything she asks for.

You're such a pushover, Santa.

Stella is Fa-mi-ly

Stella's natural abilities for dance debuted online two years ago in the moderately famous Eat your heart out, Elaine Benes post. Those closest to us questioned where the unbridled enthusiasm for shakin' it comes from, as it expressed itself as an unattractive mix of Markana's social confidence and my inability to find rhythm if not behind a drum set.

Last weekend Stella enjoyed her first gig as a flower girl at one of Markana's best friend's wedding. (Congrats Suzy and Nathan!) And after the ceremony, Stella was ready to take her smooth moves public.

Stella's new leotard helps her do (ninja) jumping jacks

11:37 p.m.

Yep. This pretty much sums up our day with Little Miss Birthday Girl; and yes, this was her arriving home from Nashville's fireworks show at 11:37 p.m. Needless to say, she ran the show today and had a very big time with family and friends. (Special thanks to the Steakleys, Leloys and Craddocks for hanging in there.)

Four years ago she came into our lives and has challenged/rewarded us every step of the way. We love you, Stella Rose!

Walk of Hope

A few weeks ago we traveled to Union City to surprise Markana's parents and join them in the annual Walk of Hope, an extremely successful cancer research fundraiser in her home town. We've participated in the past, and though we initially thought we couldn't make the trip this year, we realized how important it was to us and our family so we made the time.

I originally wanted to post about our trip immediately after we got back, but never quite pulled it together. This morning, however, I came across the image below and it stunned me.

We've been living "cancer free" for some time now, but I (we) continue to learn how to live in post-cancer-land. I've said this before to friends, but for all the hell Markana went through during those two years, it's been a different kind of hell trying to reacquaint ourselves with life. Don't get me wrong, we are extremely grateful for our health, our doctors, our daughter, our extremely supportive family and friends — but the truth is you never get to really live in the pre-cancer world again.

So back to the image...

I saw this on the side of the walking track and just stared. I still just stare. And then I get emotional. We were so close to not having each other, so close to Stella not having her mom, and now Markana gets to walk as a survivor while Stella watches on having no idea what happened during the first two years of her life. She just knows that Mommy and Papa (also a survivor) walk around the track with balloons.

We love you Markana.

Happy Father's Day

I am not sure that when Chip became a Dad, he knew what a great Father he would be. He is just insane about this girl. And in this moment, he is just about as happy as he can get; his little girl, in a Braves hat and tomahawk, on the way to see his favorite team play my Dad's favorite team.

 
And this picture just makes me laugh or shake my head in disbelief. Somehow I have managed to marry someone very similar to my Dad. Funny how that happens. I grew up going to ballgames most every Summer with my family; not exactly the favorite pastime of a 13 year old girl who never liked sports. So here I am, with my daughter, who now catches a game of her own every Summer. I hope she likes baseball. :)
 
 
 This is a shot of my Dad and I participating in the Survivor's Walk @ The Walk of Hope in Union City, TN. My hometown puts on quite the show and has raised 1.5 million dollars towards Cancer research. Amazing.

Happy Father's Day to the men in my life! I love you!

"You wanna try? But it's so fun!"

We spent a couple fun-filled days in St. Louis recently (proof here), including two Braves/Cardinals games, Grant's Farm, City Museum and a yummy Mothers' Day brunch. Stella had a blast, including the above video where she cutely encourages her Grandma Cookie to experience the slide with her.

Other highlights:

Stella does the robot

Last weekend we celebrated cinco de mayo at our neighborhood Nachos restaurant. What started as stereotypical mariachi music on the PA turned into 80s night, so Stella and Cade naturally broke out the robot.

Stella likes riding ponies

Here are just a few pics from the birthday party Stella attended this afternoon. I think my daughter is going to ask for a pony soon.